How You Can Spice Up Your Own Marriage
Gboyega Adedeji: Welcome to the channel. I am so excited about what we are discussing today. This video is about something that concerns everybody, it is an interesting subject, it concerns us and today in the whole world, many people are celebrating love. So, we want to look at something very critical, many people are omitting this kind of discussion but it is central for having a blissful marriage. So, today in this video, we will be looking at How You Can Spice Up Your Own Marriage from the tips we will be learning from the word of God.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So today, we will be looking at Ephesians 5:22-24. It says: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” With emphasis in the word “everything.” Now today, we want to share together tips on how to spice up your marriage. So today, I will be speaking to the wives. The Bible says: “Wives, submit to your own husbands…” and it did not stop there, it says: “as to the Lord.” This particular chapter in focus today has been taught in various marriage conferences and seminars and we have heard it over and over again, I am sure at different marriage ceremonies, it has been preached and taught that wives should submit to their husbands. How come it looks as if this is not really happening in the marriages? How come wives are finding it difficult to submit to their husbands? Sometimes I realize that the submission is not actually complete because wives submit to some extent but not in everything. But the Bible says in that verse 24 that “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” And I think this is where the issues lie: in everything. Do wives actually submit in everything? Do wives submit on every matter, in every area; not on few areas. So, some wives are actually holding back and the question is: why? And the truth is: "Everyone desires a wonderful marriage". Everyone desires a blissful marriage, a marriage that is spiced up. But how come we are not having it? Are we breaking some rules? Are we obeying in part and disregarding the rest? Yet we still want to the whole total package that comes with a blissful and glorious and beautiful marriage. And this is why we are looking at submission. As the wife, are you submitting in everything?
To Spice up your marriage, the word of God must be obeyed, not in part but in full. You must not just hear it alone; you must be a doer. So, in your marriage, the question today is: are you submitting to your husband in everything? Is it that you are holding back? Because you cannot have that spice if you are still holding back. What is making you to hold back? And how come, in this particular portion of Ephesians 5, it is the submission that comes first? The issue of the submission is the first to be mentioned. Which means that if this aspect of the marriage can be fulfilled, the next aspect is automatically triggered.
Gboyega Adedeji: Do you actually know that usually, the next one that is automatic is often the greatest challenge of most marriages? It is often the reason why we go to seek counsel from the counselors. It is also the reason why we say we have “irreconcilable differences”, we say “he does not love me.” When a soman is saying the husband does not love, the woman is dealing with the second issue. From what you just said, it looks as if she is not supposed to be having issues with the second issue if the first one had been adequately taking care of.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, the question is: as wives, are we submitting? Because what your submission would do for you is that you have prepared the ground upon which the love would be triggered, would flow.
Gboyega Adedeji: It is like you have created a channel for the love of your husband to flow through. Because that love flows through the channel of your own submission.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: And that is why it us coming first. So, you must first submit. While you have submitted, and the Bible makes it clear to us there that you are submitting to him as unto the Lord. And the Bible also makes it clear that the husband is the head of the wife. He is not just the head of the children, or of the home, he is the head of the wife. So, until you submit, your husband cannot step into and function as the head. So, it is your submission that gives him the platform to function as the head. So, you don’t just say to him “my husband, you know you are the head”, and he will be looking at you…
Gboyega Adedeji: Or you are saying to your husband “what an irresponsible husband you are”, have you also been responsible in submitting to him? Because from what you have said and what I am meditating on, it looks to me as if the submission of a woman enables the man to function in his role. It prepares the man, it is like it lubricates the man, it makes it easy for a man to function. So, the man would say “I don’t have problem loving, it is just that I cannot love a woman that does not submit to me.”
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: And that is a major issue because women would always say “my husband does not love me, he does not love me, he does not care about me.” But the question often time where we miss it out is: do you submit? And they say “yes I do, I submit to him, he is just a useless man and he does not like me.”
Gboyega Adedeji: You know, it is very funny how a woman would be reporting her husband and then she says “my husband does not love me, he is a useless man, he is not responsible, in fact, this and that…” and there is more insult on injury, and you are like the man does not love you, but you are showing symptoms of lack of submission. So, before we even follow you home to know how you have been disrespecting him, we can see it outside from your disposition and yet, you are asking him to love you. And he is asking himself in his own quiet moment: how can I love this woman? What is the medium through which I can love?
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, submission is an enabling environment that you create for your husband’s love. So, if the enabling environment is not there, it is not created, the love cannot come. Even if it is supply, you cannot see it.
Gboyega Adedeji: It looks as if the submission of a woman to her husband is like an atmosphere where love flourishes. So, when you plant a flower somewhere, you know you were sharing with me that if I bring a flower into a particular room that has no light, I remember you told me in one of our conversations that the flower will actually die. It will start by showing black color and then it would dry of. Even though I am able to water it, since I am not able to bring it to an environment where it can see light, it will die off. You know, when we are talking about spicing up your marriage, we are not just saying you don’t have a man in your life. We are asking: have you created an enabling environment where love is produced? Could you create a home with your own submission where it looks as if your husband is now the largest supplier of love in the world? You know, a woman can say “my husband is the most loving man in the world.” If she is not lying, you must find out the secret of the production of love. It could look as if it is the man that is producing the love, but it is the woman that has made the enabling environment conducive enough for the man to be able to produce the necessary love. So, don’t look at the man as the only and sole contributor to the love. Of course, other people can see the man showing love. But the love he is showing is the love that the woman has created an environment for. You cannot easily love a rebellious woman.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: In Proverbs, the Bible says that it is difficult for a man to live in the same home with a nagging wife, a contentious wife. That is an example of a woman that lacks submission. So, it is important that you create that atmosphere. When that enabling environment, that atmosphere of submission is in place, the can flow. So, it is important that submission comes first. So, submission comes on the table first and when it is in place, then the love comes to solidify, and the love becomes very visible.
Gboyega Adedeji: Now at the fellowship, you were speaking about the bond of love and then you mention that love is spiritual. Because even Bible says “God is love” and God is Spirit. So, if the man has love in his heart for his wife and that love is a spiritual thing, how can you a woman benefits from a spiritual substance that is locked up in your husband? How can you see visibly; this invisible attribute called love? How can I make my husband to show me love? I cannot be a woman that believes in God and knows about God say “my husband does not love me” because I would be saying that he does not have love which is spiritual. The question is: I just want to see the love. How can I then see the love if I have not then created an atmosphere that will encourage the man to release the spiritual in the physical? Because there must be an enablement, an enabler, something that can convey it, something that transports. The love is locked up in his spirit, but it must become visible in your own marriage, in your own family. If that must happen, it is your submission that must draw it. You know Bible says “with joy you will draw from the wells of salvation.”
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, with submission, you will draw from the well of love that is in your husband. The love is there. The man married you because he loved you. So, for you to draw that love from the well of your husband, you must use submission as the vessel.
Gboyega Adedeji: Then somebody might say: how often should I submit? The answer is: how often do you need love? So, if you need love daily, submit daily. So, with your submission you draw. The women of old, when they want to collect certain things from their husbands, they know how they cook those words, how they make the husband feel welcome, how they praise their husband and call him the best of names, and then the head of the man is swelling, and he says “ask me anything, up to the half of my kingdom.” What happened to Esther? So, Esther has created an atmosphere for her husband the king to show her love and that love was so huge. So, look at this story too, although it is an unpleasant one, about what happened to John the Baptist. The daughter of Herodias, haven danced to king Herod and made the king feel good. The king said to her: ask me anything up to the half of my kingdom. So, the woman’s dance was a show of submission, the very thing that Queen Vashti did not give to her husband, Ahasuerus. So, the girl quickly ran to her mother and she told her “ask for the head of John the Baptist.” And Bible says when king Herod heard of that request, he felt sorry for John the Baptist but never the less, he still granted the request of the young lady to show us that in submission, a man is not even able to hold himself back.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, I was now seen it again in the light of that Scripture when it says “so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” When you submit in everything, you will be loved in everything. So, your submission is the pleasure you give to your husband that makes him to love you.
Gboyega Adedeji: Do you know what somebody said: I cannot keep it to myself, he has been good. My wife has been so good to me, I cannot do otherwise. A man can even be honest and tell you “I can’t help myself; I just have to love her.” When you find a man that love his wife genuinely, there is something the wife is doing to produce the love. So, there is no need for any woman to be jealous or to be saying “I think I am just unfortunate for not getting the right guys.” Of course, there are right guys, but there is no exclusivity anywhere. It is not as if one guy is good and other guys are bad. You see, that man that you are married to can also be the good guy.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, you can spice up your marriage. The problem is not your spouse, the problem is are you fully yielded? Are you putting submission on the table as the wife? And as the husband, are you responding to the submission of your wife?
Gboyega Adedeji: Because it will be an abuse, an aberration and perhaps, a sin against God for your wife to submit to you and you don’t love her in return. God will judge. You know, many men are struggling in life. The root cause is that they are messing up the submission of their wife. You know when a woman says “I have labored with you, I have suffered with you. And now that he is okay, he has abandoned me.” You see, that kind of man is going to regret it. The woman does not have to fight physically, that is why the Bible says women should just submit, that is all you have to do. God will fight for you. When you read the book of Malachi, it says: you have dealt treacherously with the wife of your youth and God was not happy. So, when a man misbehaves, haven been given submission, God judges it. And the judgment of God is beyond what you can get from that Customary Court. So, before you take your husband to court and say “I want this marriage dissolved”, take the matter to court. God is the one who has witnessed your behavior, God is the one who has witnessed your conduct in that marriage. God knows that you have been submitting, he only holds that love back from you, either due to his deliberate act or carelessness. God will judge him. And you see, when a man does not show love because of the fact that he does not know how to connect to love, you could also pray for him. Because the judgment of God will do two things for him: God will start warning him.
You see, when God sees that he is simply doing that because of lack of knowledge, God will start warning him, grace will start coming to him from God. God will reveal to him: this thing that you are doing, it will limit you, it will ground you in life. You cannot move far in life when you are messing with the submission of your wife. When you husband refuses to yield to the voice of God, then God judges him. So, you will see so many husbands that has to lose their jobs for them to have their wife’s perspectives. They never appreciated their wife until they lost their job. Many husbands needed to have physical infirmities on their bodies before they start realizing that they have had a wonderful wife all along. Do you know there are many husbands who do not appreciate their wives simply because they have a great job and they are sending things to be deceiving them? Haven been warned by God repeatedly, God takes the jo away from them, then they now have to stay at home and suddenly, they start seen the beauty of the woman. You see, before you start complaining to God, why has my husband lost his job? Start asking God: has this loss been for his chastisement? The Bible says the Father chastises the son that he loves. So, if God loves your husband and your husband is misbehaving, God will chastise him. So, you must prayerfully channel your husband’s moment with you to love. So, God will start helping him, he will start seen a need to love you, and he will begin to see that in fact, you are better than that secretary.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: No wonder the Bible says if a man has issues with his wife and he prays, his prayers will be hindered.
Gboyega Adedeji: That shows that God’s judgment lingers on any man that misuses the submission of his wife. So, the submission of your wife is like a treasure, the investment of God on your marriage. God is like I am setting up this new marriage, how will this new marriage be? I am investing into it. You remember God created Adam, and God made Eve. God then brought the Eve that He had made to Adam. So, Eve was God’s investment in the life of Adam. Adam was lonely, Adam needed help, he lacked many things. So, when God needed to supply the need of Adam, God brought Eve into his life. So, when you now misuse the help and investment of God, God judges. The judgment of God could be very brutal and harsh.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, in marriage, your submission is an investment and that investment must come with profit. The return on investment is the love that your husband shows to you.
Gboyega Adedeji: If you can be faithful in that investment, if your husband is not faithful, your husband will be judged by God. Some women would be like: I hope I have not entered one chance. This marriage thing is a covenant between you and your husband and God, and God judges, He is an impartial judge, the truth is God does not love that man more than you, God loves you, God loves him. Even though God has brought you to him, it is so that he can be enabled to fulfill his purpose on the earth. With you if he is failing to fulfill his purpose because he is not recognizing and appreciating your submission, then God will judge him.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: This is so good because this Scripture has actually come to life in terms of practicality of the thing we experience daily. We see some men go back in life and get grounded because they have a wife hat is investing in submission and they refuse to bring the returns.
Gboyega Adedeji: It is like they have embezzled. You know when a man has a loving wife at home, and then you start messing around with young girls, you are robbing yourself of the things that God has supplied for you. So, misusing and abusing the investment of God. God will judge. When I say “God will judge”, I am trying to avoid the usage of “God will punish.” The judgment of God can either vindicate or condemn you, it depends on how you have been. And you see, the things you do in the secret places are known to God. And the Bible says “God is the God of knowledge and by Him all actions are weighed.” So, the things you do that you think God is not aware of, He is aware of them. He will judge you in due time. That is why the Bible says “he who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” So, you can see that there is a link between a wife and favor from the Lord. So, it is not favor from men. The wife is even the first favor from the Lord to man. So, when God looks at you and He wants to favor you, He gives you a woman. And so, the woman is expected, haven been given to you to submit to you, that is what makes the whole thing to work. But when that woman is not failing in submission and you are failing in the love, you will be judged by God, the things you do will not prosper. Things won’t work, you can pray and God won’t hear you. You can build it won’t stand, you can start businesses, it won’t flourish. Why? You are being unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, you are abusing her submission to you, you are abusing that favor of God in your life and so, you are disfavored by God. So, as a woman, understand that you are a favor carrier. Your place in the life of that man is an investment to him and you have to help him by submitting, you have to support him by submitting. You spice up your marriage in the place of submission. And as the husband, you spice up your marriage in the place of supplying love. Respond to the submission of your wife, honor that favor, honor that investment from God because when you are doing it, you are doing it as unto the Lord.
Gboyega Adedeji: Appreciate what God is giving to you. There was a time Jesus was talking with the Samaritan woman, it says “you do not the gift of God and He who is talking with you.” You see, you must recognize the gift of God in your life. That woman is the gift of God in your life, you must recognize it. She is submitting to you because God has subjected her to that. You know that Scripture in Romans 8 that the earnest expectation of the creation waits for the manifestation of the sons of God. And it says further that the creation itself has been subjected in hope not willingly but because of Him who subjected it. So, God made your wife to submit to you. Your wife could have been the greatest woman in the world but she chose to submit to you, don’t abuse the choice, it is a divine choice. Don’t abuse the gift, it is a divine gift.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: This is so good because this is actually the reason why many marriages are failing, why many women have given up on submission and say “you know what, no more!” If this is what marriage is all about, I am checking out. But God has made it so because in marriage, there is profit to the kingdom of God. God is so interested, He instituted marriage, He formed marriage, He established marriage and then He funds marriage. And that is why marriage is the investment of God on the earth. And this is why we don’t abuse it, we don’t misuse it, we don’t take it for granted.
Gboyega Adedeji: Bible says “marriage is honorable above all and the bed undefiled.” If you honor God, you must honor your marriage. And if you honor God, God honors you, but if you despise marriage, you despise God, God will hold you in light esteem, you will be insignificant before God. You know, sometimes we pray, or you hear that people prayed a little, and God heard them. And you have been praying for years and it seems God has not answered you, how important have you been before God? It must be on the basis of honor. Your marriage is a means to show how you honor God. Show your honor for God in loving your wife, and the wife must show the honor she has toward God in submitting to her husband.
Lara Gboyega Adedeji: So, this all ties back to God. Your submission to your husband is because you are commanded by God to do so as a wife. So, you are submitting to God. And loving your wife is loving the Lord and honoring the Lord through that love. This is so interesting and good; we have been so blessed in this episode ourselves, and we know that you have also been blessed. And remember, it is not just to hear the word, you must do it for you to partake of the blessing.
Gboyega Adedeji: Alight! I am sure you have learnt something. If you love what you have learnt, like the video, let us know what you have learnt in the comment box below. If you are new in this channel, please subscribe, let us get to know that you also came around and every time we have a new video, you will get to know about it especially when you click that notification bell. Till the next episode on this same channel, I want you to stay spiced up in your marriage.
God bless you!
