`This evening` we are considering something and I want us to follow along. Some of us can be picking marital lessons from it and we can also pick discipleship lessons from it. If you peradventure see any leadership lessons as well, you are at liberty to pick it. But we want to consider what has been titled: How to Carry the Cross of Marriage on CentreNDL”>Marriage in Christ Jesus. Not the ‘crux’, but the normal cross. There was a word I said to my wife this afternoon, I think she now said I need to preach it. So, I said to her, if she gives me the permission and the Holy Spirit gives me the grace. So, here we are! Do you understand? When you are dealing with marriage, it is important that you talk as one who has authority. I am looking at marriage today and so, I am talking as one who has authority, who has testimony.
So, we will examine to day How to Carry the Cross of Marriage on CentreNDL”>Marriage in Christ Jesus. Now, if you look at the last phrase ‘in Christ’, what it suggests to us very quickly, is from this example I want to share with us. Now, when you hear that somebody wants to learn how to make rice in Ghana, somebody wants to learn how to make pancake in England, another way we can look at that is that the person wants to learn the Ghanaian way of cooking rice, or the British way of making pancake. Do we understand? So, when you use the word ‘in Christ’ in this context now, we want to look at Christ’s way of you and I carrying our own cross. How can we carry our cross in marriage in the way that Christ teaches or in the way that Christ carried His? So, we want to meditate around that, and I want us to open our Bibles to Matthew 19:1-10. The Bible says:
“Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. 3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
Other versions of the Bible used a different phrase other than ‘just any reason’. Because there is a way other version put it that is different from this in case you have a separate version other than the New King James Version that I am reading.
Verse 4-6:
“And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then (I believe we know the implication of this phrase ‘so then’), they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” 8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” 10 His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
Somebody would have said ‘Okay, why did the disciples conclude with that state of reality or thinking?’ If such is the case of a man and his wife, then it better not to marry. For some who have thought that Jesus had given permission, that Jesus has allowed divorce, then the question is: if divorce was allowed, then why would they say “it is better not to marry?” It is like somebody giving up, like, how can I have this kind of testimony in marriage? A man where a man is coming from a different background, and the woman from another background, and the man has grown through different experiences, same for the woman, yet, God expect the two of them to become one. In the process of becoming one or in the process of intending to become one, because they are two different things. A couple could take the initiative of becoming one but they may never work towards it. One is at the level of intentions, mere wishes, mere desires without any ability or corresponding ability to make it a reality. You could intend to become one with your wife but if you are not willing, you will never be.
You know in Economics, they taught us the difference between demanding something and wanting something. In economics, your want does not become a demand until you have the purchasing power, the money, to purchase your wants. There must be a corresponding ability to pay. Now, there is an intention to becoming one with a woman, another one is a corresponding ability to become. Until you are willing to correspond your intentions with actions or responsibility, it lies at the level of intention. So, two people are expected to become one, that is the expectation. But in the process of becoming one, there are responsibilities inherent in the process. The responsibilities are what many people are unwilling to go through, and yet, they don’t mind becoming one with another person.
So, while you gave a desire to have a blissful marriage, a peaceful marriage, a fruitful marriage, there is a responsibility that accompanies it that you must fulfill. For instance, the Bible says in Ephesians 5, "wives, submit to your own husbands, husbands, love your wives". As simple as these two phrases are, they are the cause of divorce across the nations, whether in the Americas, or in Asia, or you come to Africa. Whether you look at politics or the church, the same issue is the cause of divorce. When we say divorce what do we mean? Husband and wife or a man or woman in marriage choosing to separate, either they were separated by people or not. So, the issue is God has a goal. A man and his wife should become one. So, if that is the ultimate goal, there is no separation in that same goal. Bible says “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” That is the goal, that is the vision. It says in Habakkuk “write the vision, let it be plain on the tables that he may run he who reads it.” So, when a man reads the vision as given by God, he is expected to run with it. So running with it means you are working with your husband towards becoming one with him. And so, that means every attempt to make that a reality in your life is an attempt that moves you away from divorce.
It looks to me like there are two destinations in marriage: It is either you become one with your wife or your husband or you separate from each other. The two are not beside each other. The two are opposite sides. Every decision you make towards becoming one with your wife or your partner is a decision away from separating from him or her. Yet the goal that God has ordained, you remember Jesus said “from the beginning, it was not so.” At the beginning when God was instituting this order, He did not intend separation, He did not intend these two that have become one, separates. How do you separate one from itself? One is one!!! Now if the two come together and God did not say they shall become one, then there is a probability for the two to be separated. But when God now says that we should stay in ourselves and not just together, because we will soon realize the implication of becoming one, how it is different from being in partnership with somebody.
If two people enter into business partnership, we will not become one. You are yourself; I am myself; you represent your interest; I represent my interest. You have fifty percent of the stake of the business, I also have fifty percent. When there are profits, we share it equally, and when there are losses, we share it. If there is a problem in the organization, you go your way and I go my way. Partnership maintains the identities or the entities involved. But in this situation, God says “the two shall come together and become one.” If God had kept quiet there, we could have said marriage institution is a partnership. But the two becoming one simply means that you both will begin to share things together, what she has is what you have and what you have is what she has. So, there are no two heads, no two mouths, no two legs. Everything is one.
Don’t forget, the Bible didn’t say that the two shall become one immediately. It says a man shall leave his father and he shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one. Even God noted the initial state of being two. So, there is a process of coming, leaving something else coming to join, but the it says the two has a responsibility of becoming one. It may not be instant, but that is where God is taking you to. So, in case you are asking: What is the purpose of God for my marriage? The Purpose of God for your marriage is that God wants you to become one with your husband or wife so that together you achieve the same goal and purpose of God. Together you fall, together you rise. Do we understand? Now, if you examine the goal and the heartbeat of God for marriage, you ask yourself: Where does divorce come in? How can God who intends two people to become one then expect the one to be divided into pieces? So, you will know, that was never in the intention of God.
In Genesis 1:26, Bible says God says “let us make man and in our image and according to our likeness, and let them have dominion.” And so, in case you have dominion today on the earth, it is not an accident. You cannot suddenly have dominion; it is not a mistake when you are ruling. God made you in His own image and you will also function in His likeness and when that is possible, you will have dominion. So, if you end up in dominion as God has said, do you find yourself surprised? Is it a shocking experience to you? No! That is in the purpose of God for your life. The purpose of God has always been clear from the beginning. You don’t start in dominion; God did not say “let us make dominion.” God said “let us make man in our image and according to our likeness.” He will be a personality like us and behave like us and then when that is true for him and her, the next thing is that you walk in dominion.
You see, you can predict your destiny. Your destiny is DOMINION! Ask me what is my future? My future is dominion! The same way that the future of every marriage is oneness, but you don’t start one. I am sure for those of us that are married, the day you made your marital vows, you were telling yourself you won’t disappoint yourself in the marriage. Not everything was clear to you, but you have expectations and aspirations. You were not sure one hundred percent how it shall be. But the word of God to you was that irrespective of how your marriage started, irrespective of the phase you are now, the vision and goal ahead of you is that you remain one with him or her, that is the purpose of God. So, when you are looking at your wife, don’t look at a woman that you will be separated from in years to come, that is not the purpose. If you do that, you have deviated from your purpose. It is like a man who leaves Abuja and heads to Lagos. If along the ways he heads to Maiduguri, he has deviated from the original path of his journey and that will ultimately change his destiny.
When you see people at the latter part of their life, being empty, unfulfilled, there is no child among their children that is caring for them, they have enjoyed in their early lives, but suddenly now, they are empty. So, you now ask: was this the beginning that they saw at the early days of their lives and marriage? Was that the plan of God for their end? That was not the goal. The goal is that they become one: “and the two shall be one.” So, I don’t know how many years that you have been married, but I want to tell you that the purpose of God in that marriage is that you become one with your husband or your wife. Until you get to that point, you are not done yet. So, you daily have the responsibility to work out your oneness with your husband or your wife. It will not happen instantly and it does not fall down like ‘ripe pawpaw’, you have to make it happen, you have to work towards making it a reality.
Now, the flip side of that is what I found interesting in that Genesis 1:26. We have looked at the two of them becoming one towards marital destiny or towards marital future of oneness. But another point is that of a man becoming a wholesome man, a man who is in the image of God and His likeness, a man who walks in the dominion of God. And God has told us in the message again, that this is not in doubt, it is only a matter of time. When God says “have dominion”, He has destined you for it. Let me just tell you what is happening right now. You know there is something they call “image right” in the creative industry. God is working on your image and dealing with your likeness. When God is done, dominion is automatic. There is a word of Bishop Oyedepo that he said that God told him that even if he wants to be poor, it is already too late. He cannot be poor again.
When God begins to make you walk in the reality of your dominion, you will be imagining: How is it possible for demons to be oppressing somebody in the night? You will be like “that is not possible for you.” Demons can’t oppress you. How is possible that somebody will collect their salary and it will finish all of a sudden? But you are wondering how they are finishing the whole thing in a short while and yet, you have enough to take you through the process. There is something that they lack that you have. When God begins to work on your life and helps you to walk in that reality of your dominion, the only challenge you will be having is how to manage it. Because God has blessed you with so much. God will be dealing in that instances with your identity and character, and when He is done with the two, He will bestow dominion upon you.
Now in your marriage also, don’t be afraid of divorce. You are yet to get married and yet, your only problem is divorce. But if you are thinking about that, it means you have a destiny in your heart of separation. And that destiny of separation does not originate from God. What God does not create or make happen cannot become a guarantee destiny for you.
What God ordained is that you become one with that man or woman. When Bible says “but He gives grace, He gives more grace to the humble, but God resists the proud.” You see, every effort towards becoming one with your partner or your wife or husband receives grace. God supplies grace. Have you not realized if you are married that when you want to do things that will lead will you to separation from your wife, you can’t see God backing you up? God does not back you up towards separation. He gives grace towards staying there. But He doesn’t want you to stay there and die there, so that you will say “I was defeated there” no, He gives you grace to also experience dominion in that marriage.
There is something I wanted us to also note about “cross.” From the online google explanation, among many things, it says “a cross is a mark, an object or figure, formed by two short intersecting lines or pieces.” So, you can remove short, but just remember by two lines because there are some crosses that are long. One of the lines is longer than the other. This one is long; this one is short but the two lines must intersect. Another word for intersecting is “joined.” They must be joined and cross each other. Some of us are aware that it is not normal for a man and his wife to be born in the same house, by the same father and mother. It is not normal, right? So, somebody is born in Zamfara and you are born in Zaria. So, at one point or the other you must cross each other’s path. So, that is even the beginning of the whole process, you met him, you met her and as time goes by, you started getting along and before you know, you get married. The two of you have crossed each other’s path and the two of you have been fully joined together.
You must also never forget in reality, the probability or the possibility of that marriage itself being a cross that you must now carry throughout the course of your life. The Yoruba word for cross is “Agbelebu.” When people use the word, they don’t mean it for something good. Just carry your cross, don’t complain about it, just carry your cross. Because, the truth is there is no marriage that does not have moment of joy, that is my discovery. There is no marriage, no matter how much they complain about each other, there are times that they are laughing, you are not there. They laugh in secret. They enjoy in secret but there are moments there that they are not happy together. I’m talking about an average marriage.
When you are in such moment, what should you do? Let’s assume because we are in a kingdom of Christ. God is the one that has brought the man and this woman together. I don’t want to assume that it was a man and a woman that just came together, because of affection: “I like you; I like you and I want to marry you.” I want to assume that it was God that brought them together. Because the Bible says “do not be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever” because it won’t work because it’s like you have entered one chance, you will suffer for the rest of your life. But let’s take for instance that you are man and a woman, but it was God that brought the woman into your life, God made her to cross your path and then two of you have been joined together by God.
I’m saying now that there is a possibility in that marriage that there are moments that are less than exciting. There are moments that look as if there is so much available, and there are moments that looks as if there is nothing available. It’s like there are moment when there is abundance, Apostle Paul said “I have learnt to abound and to be abase.” I have learnt to enjoy when God supplies so much, I have learnt to also enjoy when God supplies what look so little. So, instead of me becoming a reproach to God, I have learnt how to conduct myself. So, who is that married man or woman who will say “I have learnt to manage the excitement of my marriage, I have learnt to manage those down moments in my marriage to ensure that we remain one and to ensure that God is glorified” who is that man who is that woman that will say that? Until a man or a woman is able to say such, such a woman, such a man is deceiving himself or herself in marriage.
Because in reality, there are moments that you are indeed carrying your cross, the moments when you could wish somebody help you to carry that cross but in reality, you will find only yourself and God. Do you imagine Jesus going to that Golgotha; and He has a cross to carry, did you help Him to carry it? So, He had to rely on the strength that God supplied and by the strength of the Lord, He carried the cross. It was not easy for Jesus, it was shameful, but He carried His cross. Now, have that mindset when you are in that marriage. Are you going through a rough moment and the whole society, the whole neighborhood is aware of it, and yet they don’t know when everything is rosy? In that situation you are a reproach to God, and you are a reproach to yourself because at that moment you are making steps backward unto separation, you are not taking steps towards becoming one. When things are joining together and becoming one, it is usually done in an atmosphere away from the public. So, don’t also bring the things that are challenging in the marriage into the public glare.
Something happened and I will just paraphrase it, Genesis 3:1-7, and verse 20-23. There was a conversation between the woman and the serpent. The conversation ultimately led to the fall of man, because the entire marriage was brought down. What could be more hurting to a man than his wife dethroning him by her actions? Is that not enough reason for a man to separate his wife. If you are looking at those Jewish people that went to Jesus, the reason we are quoting this is to look at divorce. Adam and Eve were married, Eve went into alliance; let’s call it an unholy alliance that made the entire marriage to be dethroned. Now, when this whole thing was done, the Bible says “they made a covering for themselves.” So, it means the woman was covered by what the man produced yet the woman had done something that had dethroned the man. Because suddenly, they realized they were naked. Suddenly, the issues of their dominion; their nature was affected. It’s like dominion is what you get when your nature and identity is right.
So, when their nature was affected, they lost the dominion. They started hiding, they realized they were naked, they made covering for themselves. The Bible didn’t say Adam made a covering for himself and Eve also went to make, we would have said they began to separate. Even after that period, they were still together. It’s like they fell together and they stayed together. Later on, the Bible says from verse 20-23 that “Adam called his wife’s name Eve because she is the mother of all living.” And then in Chapter 4:1-2, the Bible says also about Adam and Eve that they got more intimate with themselves and they had a child, Cain; and then they had another child. From verse 20-23, the Bible says “God chased them away from the garden.” It’s like the reproach was brought upon their marriage, they were dethroned, their reputation and honor were removed but yet their marriage continued. That’s why Jesus said “in the beginning it was not so” I know what I’m talking about, your forefathers were married, they went through difficult moments but they stayed together.
You children of this generation, what has come over you? But Jesus knew what came over them. They said “why did Moses command that you should write a certificate of divorce?” Jesus said “Moses wrote it because of the hardness of your heart.” Amplified Bible puts it as stubbornness or either hardness. You are so stubborn, you are so hard hearted, what you want to do is what you want to do. You are lusting after a woman somewhere else and you have to chase the one inside away because the law of the land forbids polygamy for them. The only way to marry a new wife since you are lusting over another woman somewhere is to chase away the other one. Look at that verse that says “for any reason” like, the woman did not put salt in the soup and you say “I chase you away for this reason.” But Jesus said it was not so from the beginning. I was there when Adam and Eve your father, when they went through the lowest part of their marriage, they came up together, they did not separate.
In Malachi 2:10-16; I want us to hear God again talk about marriage and the plan that He has for marriage. The Bible says: “Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously with one another By profaning the covenant of the fathers? 11 Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem, For Judah has profaned The Lord’s holy institution which He loves…” Did you see that? It is God who loved that institution, and not Judah. “He has married the daughter of a foreign god.” So, we would see that it was on the matter of marriage and I am sure we are aware of what happened in the story.
12 May the Lord cut off from the tents of JacobThe man who does this, being awake and aware, yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts! 13 And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; So, He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14 Yet you say, “For what reason? “Because the Lord has been witnessing Between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.”
Did we see that? A question was raised: Why did God make them one? The answer is that God seeks godly offspring because it takes a godly couple to produce a godly child.
Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, “Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore, take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
Do we see it? What God is frowning at is a man dealing treacherously with the wife of his youth. So, if you will not deal treacherously or journey with your wife toward separation, then you must take heed to your own spirit that you do not do it, why? God hates divorce. For divorce covers one’s garment with violence. Another way we can put it is that divorce destroys one, because when your garment is covered with violence, are you sure you will survive it? So, God hates it. The opposite of hate is love. In fact, God as loving as He is, as a person, He hates divorce. It truncates His agenda; it frustrates His plans. God is gathering things, and the things are scattering on their own. He hates the scattering of His work. Far be it from you and I that we scatter what God is gathering together. You are on your own, she was on her own, it is God that has brought two of you together. You must work with God to get to the destiny that God has ordained for you and I. You must work; you must labor, if you must pray, pray. If you must study to learn, learn. Because when they said “Jesus, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for any reason?” Jesus said “have you not read?”
So, you must read, to know the will of God for your life. Know the will of God for her or for him and then, work with him, work with her to actualizing it. By all means you must stay together, not as two, you must stay together as one. So, you must work towards becoming one with him. You must work towards becoming one with her. You must invest into your oneness. You must sacrifice for your oneness.
LEARNING FROM THE HEAVENLY MARRIAGE
Our goal is to see how to carry the cross of marriage in Christ, and Christ is not earthly, Christ is heavenly. Let’s see how Christ shows us a picture of marriage. I’m sure many of us are familiar with this reality that God is one and yet God expresses Himself across generations as the Father. He expresses Himself as the Spirit and He expresses Himself as the Son. In Isaiah 9:6, the Bible says: “for unto us a child is born and unto us the son is given” Doctor Myles said “the son was never born, the son was given.” It was the child that was born, the child Jesus. Even Jesus says in the book of Psalms as prophesied by David and even reechoed in Hebrews, that when He came to the earth, He said “sacrifices and offerings you did not desire, but a body that you have prepared for me.” So, a body that God prepared for Christ was Jesus. But the Christ is the son of God. So, we know that Christ is God and the Spirit of God is God and the Father is God.
Yet when you start hearing the Father, the Spirit, the Son, you still also know that the three are one. So, they don’t exist in distinct entities as it were, they exist in one another. So, the Father has the Spirit in Himself, the Son has the Spirit in Himself, the Father has the Son in Him. The Son has the Father in Him. So, each has the other in themselves. When you check my wife, check her very well you must find me there. Until then we are not one. Let’s bring it down to practical things. You know it’s not always easy to correspond, to understand spiritual with physical, it’s not always easy, because the physical is always a shadow of the reality. The things you see, they are little compared to the things you don’t see. Now, let’s look at it, I have children now, maybe a man wants to claim that he is their father, they collect my DNA sample and they collect that guy’s DNA sample. They collect any of the children’s sample, and then normally, anyone who has a matching DNA the child is considered to be the father.
So, there is something about the father that is living in the child. So, when the scientist finds that living entity which is also present in the father, they say this is the true father. So, inside that child, that son, that daughter is a component or an entity of the father that is shared in the daughter or in the son. So, when you see a girl she looks like her parent, she talks like her father, she thinks, she talks, she behaves, you know that behave now talks about likeness. So, it is possible for a child to be the image of his father and then function in the likeness of his father. So, you say “like father like son. Or you say, “like mother like daughter”.
For instance, my wife when we first got married, she travelled to Abuja then for a program and lodged in a hotel. She went to the hotel to meet our mom and then coming down from the hotel. As she just came down and was coming in front of the hotel. And one of the people that worked with her mum just met her at the gate. They now greeted her, the way they would greet our mum. It’s like you are meeting your friend’s daughter and you are greeting the daughter as if you are greeting your friend, because she actually thought they were the same. She was now the one saying “No, I’m her daughter.” She was talking as if she was talking to an elderly person, not knowing she was talking to an offspring. The Bible says, “God made them one because he was seeking a godly offspring,” offspring that are like God.
So, what is in God is in them. So, if what is in God could be in us, then it means what is in the Father, is also in the Son. When you check the Holy Spirit and you encounter the Spirit, don’t look for the Father, because as you’ve found the Spirit, you have found the Father. Jesus said “I am in the Father, the Father is in me” have you ever gotten that kind of calculation before, that mathematical equation? I am equal to the Father and the Father is equal to me. He didn’t say I am like the Father; He says, I am in the Father and the Father is in me. How dare you now say, “you want to see the Father, when you’ve been with me all along. When you see me, you have seen the Father”, talking about the mystery of oneness, how the two must become one. Why? The heavenly sample is a reality. The Father, the Spirit, the Son, they are one.
The Bible shows us in 1John that they are three that make witness in the heaven, and there are three witnesses on the earth. In heaven, the Father, the Son and the Spirit and on the earth, the blood the water and the Spirit. There are witnesses in heaven, witnesses on earth. These three agree as one. So, we are looking at the heavenly marriage, how the Father is one with the Spirit and the Spirit is one with the Son. When God says, “let us make man in our image.” “Our” is a term that you use for more than one. Even though we are more than one, we share the same image, we are more than one, but we have similar likeness, we are like each other, you are like me, I’m like you. So, in our likeness, let’s make man. Have you also not realized that male and female, He made them? Now, you two are not from the same family but when she raises her right hand and you raise your left hand, both of you are raising hands. So, you are even like each other physically. He says “male and female, He made him.” He says “let us make man in our image, male and female He made them.”
So, now you as a man or as a woman, another man beside you, you have similarities, you share image, you share likeness. So, do you now imagine God, how God shares image and likeness with the trinity. There was a place that the Bible says in Colossians “that it please the Father that in Christ all the fullness of godhead should dwell". So, when you see Christ, you have seen the Father, you have seen the Spirit. That is why when you talk about the Holy Spirit, you are saying the Holy Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit of the Father or you say, the Holy Spirit of Christ. Whatever name you give, you are talking about the same person. He is the same Spirit of Christ, He is the same Spirit of God, He is the same Spirit. The three works as one, and the three, share nature and the three; share likeness.
God has a purpose of dominion with you and your husband, and also God has a purpose of oneness with you and your husband and your wife. You may not be experiencing it now but don’t give up. Keep working at it, in a matter of time you will get there especially if, and when you are in Christ. Jesus said “in the world you will have tribulation”, things don’t work out there. “But be of good cheer, I, Christ have overcome the world for you.”
I believe you have been blessed!
