Hello friends. In this article, I want to quickly show us what the end of correct discipleship is using marriage as an analogy. I am sure many of us are familiar with the term and the word marriage. It talks about the union between two individuals. When two individuals come together in a union, it’s called marriage. A legal union is called marriage. So, we are looking at marriage; a true picture of the end of correct discipleship. Meaning that at the end of correct discipleship process, there must be marriage. Marriage must be the result; it must be the evidence that there had been a correct discipleship.
We are going to observe Ephesians 5:21-31, it will be our major read but we are going to read them in piece meal. The Bible says: “Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
We are going to take a pause in verse 24, and we are going to look at salient and important words that were communicated out of the pages of the Scripture to us in Ephesians 5. It said in verse 21 that we read: submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord. That’s the starting point. So, the fear of the Lord is the background. Ther Bible says in Proverbs that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In any relationship, in any organization, in any atmosphere, the fear of the Lord begins the wisdom of that relationship. So, without the fear of the Lord, the relationship as it were, is already dead-on-arrival. And that’s why the Bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
Who are unbelievers? Those that don’t operate in the fear of the Lord. So, don’t be unequally yoked because when you do that, you are entering a relationship that is already dead-on arrival. So, it’s important to understand that the foundation of every relationship is in the fear of the Lord. Without the fear of the Lord you can’t ride, you can’t soar in any relationship. So, verse 21 precedes verse 22, submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord.
It says: “Wives.” Now you would understand that a particular set of people were usually referred to as wives. Another word you can use for wives is bride. Bride, submit to your own husband. So, in this context we can replace wives with bride and husband with bridegroom. Because this nomenclature is very important in our understanding of marriage and how it is a true picture of the end of true discipleship. So, wives, which is the bride, submit to your own bridegroom to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband, the bridegroom is the head of the bride.
So, who is the bride and who is the bridegroom? I am sure many of us remember the story and the parable where Jesus talked about 10 virgins. When you hear the word virgins, it is synonymous with the female gender in the terms of the nomenclature, so you can call them bride. So, there are 10 brides, and the one they said they were going to meet was called the bridegroom. So, if there is a bridegroom, meaning there must be bride for the equation to be complete. The Bible says in that parable that they all carried with them lamps and they were going to meet the bridegroom. And the Bible recorded at a point that in their journey, the bridegroom tarried. He stayed late, their expectation for the arrival of the bridegroom was not the actuality of the experience they got. So, while the bridegroom tarried, there was now a distinction between the 10 virgins. There were five that were called wise, and there were five that were called foolish.
The five that were called wise were those that took extra oil with them on the journey to meet the bridegroom. And the foolish, even though they were all virgins, were those that only carried their lamps trimmed it with no extra oil. So, even though they were all the bride of the bridegroom, they were separated by wisdom and foolishness. So, it’s important that we understand that even though the category of people referred to in verse 22 are wise, there are foolish ones and there are wise ones. Although in that parable, they were all virgins, there were wise virgins and foolish virgins. That’s the truth about the experiences of life. In every gathering, in every place you find yourself, you will find out that there is a dichotomy or a distribution of people skewed towards the left and the right. Its spiritually proven. There would always be people on the left and there will always be people on the right. And so, he said wives, all of you, this is the admonition for wives. But because you are a wife does not mean you are a wise wife. Because you are a bride, does not mean that you are a wise bride. It said wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. The understanding that will help you, is this. It said for the husband is the head of the wife.
So, also, we should understand that we are looking at discipleship here. Christ is the head of the church. So, we now understand from this that the bride and the bridegroom are actually Christ and His church. So, for you to be a member of the church, you are a bride. And the bridegroom is Christ. So, for there to be marriage, there must be courtship. Now, we are using familiar terms to understand scriptural truths. For there to be marriage, there must be courtship. Meaning that there must be a period or an opportunity where you learn about the person you are in a relationship with. So, in this context as disciples of Jesus, we are in a relationship with Christ Jesus, we are the bride, He is the bridegroom. We are the wives; He is the husband. For us to be able to correctly and properly be married to Christ Jesus, we must undergo courtship. And that courtship is the process of discipleship.
If you understand what takes place in discipleship, you will realize and understand that it’s the truth about what is applicable in discipleship. When you want to get into marriage, you don’t just propose to a person and say you know what I want to marry you and the following day the person is in your house. What happens is that there is a process before the marriage. And it is called courtship. So, we are going to look at some of the things that takes place in courtship so that we can glean spiritual truths from what happens and must happen in discipleship. So, we are going to look at 8 important things that will take place in a courtship that will lead to a successful marriage.
#1. COMMITMENT
Amos 3:3 succinctly shows us what it means to be committed. That’s the first thing before you can be in a courtship process, there must be a commitment from both parties to engage in the process. In Amos 3:3 the Bible says; Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? You will realize that we are dealing with two here, and the two in mention here is Christ and you. You are the bride and He is the bridegroom. Can two, you and Christ, walk together except you agree? There is a commitment from Christ that is unwavering, that is unshaking. The Bible says while we yet sinners, Christ died for us, He showed His commitment, His commitment was a down payment. He had paid our dowry before we agree to marry.
So, before we ever could agree to marry Christ, or even start a courtship with Him, Jesus had used His life as a down payment. So, His commitment is unwavering, unshaken. So, can two work together except they agree? Christ is not the only party here; you are also involved. So, if Christ is committed to you, are you committed to Christ? For there to ever be a successful union, in marriage, there must be a commitment. Are you committed to the discipleship process? The courtship process of your marriage to Christ. Commitment cannot be joked with; it can never be taken for granted. No matter how much Jesus loves you, He will not profess His name by force on your lips. And that’s why when God made man, God made man with a right of choice, a will of choice. It said; I lay before you, life and death, the He will advise. I advise that you choose life that you may leave. But He will not force you.
So, your commitment to the discipleship process, the courtship process of your marriage, union with Christ, will come as a free choice. I remember when my husband and I were getting married, and we were reading our vows in church, they would ask; do you of your free choice take this man? Because commitment is important. No matter the ceremony and what they do, without commitment its effort in futility. So, until you are ready for Christ, Christ is already ready. But until you are ready for Christ, nothing will happen. That relationship will not work, it won’t blossom. So, we must not play around our commitment. Are we committed? Christ is always committed, eternally committed. But aside of it is where the issue always lies. Are we committed to this process? Can two work together, except they be agreed? Have you not wondered that God will speak great things concerning people’s destiny and it looks as if those things are not coming to pass, is God a liar? No! what happened? God made a covenant, a promise, God spoke His word, which will never return to Him void, but what happened to the man that He spoke the word to? That’s often the issue. Commitment! As God is committed to His word, we must work in agreement in partnership with Him.
#2. SEXUAL FAITHFULNESS
Hebrews 13:4. I am sure that many of us know and we can attest to this truth that you can’t be in a courtship relationship with a person, whether male or female, and you hear about sexual unfaithfulness and you continue in it without any tangible reason. Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage is honorable. Your marriage to Christ is honorable among all and the bed undefiled.” Marriage is honorable, your union with Christ must be held in high esteem. What happened in Genesis 3? That faithfulness was tampered with. Adam has always heeded to the voice of the LORD, but something happened, the devil crept into the garden. And instead of being faithful to God; because when we talk about sexual faithfulness in the context of discipleship, it always boils down to obedience. And that’s why if you read through the old testament in the relationship of God with the children of Israel, he is always talking to them as a bride and as a bride groom. He said you are betrothed to Me, but what is this unfaithfulness I am seeing, that you are going around with idols? That’s unfaithfulness.
When we understand the depth of spiritual things in relation with marriage, we will be able to understand the weight that God puts on our faithfulness to Him. It is like a wife going to have adultery with another person. That’s what we do to God. Every time we doubt Him, we go after other gods to serve them. That’s how weighty it is. So, that faithfulness is key. You can’t abandon Christ and go after other things. That’s why Jesus said seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and every other thing shall be added. Seek first, be faithful. It is required of a steward to be found faithful. God does not joke around faithfulness. For you to be one with Christ, your faithfulness must be weighed on a scale. And it must balance just like in marriage. So, for there to be a marriage, a true union between you and Christ, faithfulness will be tested. Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled.
#3. HUMILITY
Humility is also a requirement in courtship that must lead to a successful marriage. Genesis 2:24. The Bible says; “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” You may want to ask; how does this connect? The Bible says that Jesus left His glory with the Father in heaven. Did He not leave His Father? For your sake Jesus left the Father. From eternity past, the word had been with God, but for our sake, for the sake of His bride, He left the Father. Do you know what happened to Jesus when He was dying for the sins of the world? The Bible says and the morning became night and He cried, Father, Father why have you forsaken Me, it had never happened before. Jesus was carrying the sins of the world and the Father could not bear to see Him.
It’s in His justice, He is holy, He cannot behold iniquity. And He turned away from the Son that had always been with Him. So, when we understand the kind of humility that Jesus portrayed, we will understand the kind of sacrifice that He had to go through for our sake. In every relationship, it has to be that both sides are contributing. Jesus can’t contribute so much and you have nothing to contribute. It’s not enough! You must believe Him, you must honor that humility, that’s why the Bible says therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to His wife. So, what will his wife do in response to this love? Submit! I abandoned everything, I left everything and I am here for you, and it says submit. He is joined to His wife and they shall become. So, what happens in discipleship, is that you are responding to Jesus. Like we said the commitment of Jesus is unwavering, but what happens in true discipleship is that we respond to the love of our bridegroom, our Lord and our maker; Christ Jesus.
The humility He has shown to us, while we were yet sinners, Christ died hoping that we would grope for Him, we will find Him, we will acknowledge. And it says the two shall become one flesh-marriage, union. So, there must be a joining between you and Christ. That joining happens at the foot of the cross. That’s were our humility is tested. That’s were our honor for His humility is acknowledged. And that’s why as disciples, we must not be far away from the cross. You must not become so pompous; you must not become so full of yourself that you forget the cross. Like that hymn that said I cherish the old rugged cross. We must cherish it, because that’s where the sacrifice of our marriage was paid. We must cherish it. O I cherish the old rugged cross, till all my trophies at last I lay down. That’s what we do when we acknowledge the humility, we honor it.
That’s why Apostle Paul will say I count all things as dung that I may gain Christ. I acknowledge His humility, I honor it. He said that I may know Him, the power of His resurrection, the fellowship of His suffering, being conformed unto His death. His death happened on the cross. So, we must never be far away from the cross, the cross is the place of our brokenness where we remember the price He paid, the sacrifice of the Son of God, though God, He did not count robbery to be equal with Him. He made Himself of no reputation. His own hand maids were stripping Him, they were putting crown of thorns on Him, they gave Him hyssop and the Bible says He remained silent. Is it that He doesn’t have words to say? He is the word. But He remained silent for your sake; that’s humility. He took that posture for you and I; we must honor and acknowledge it.
#4. PATIENCE AND FORGIVENESS
Why we are looking at these things in the light of discipleship? As a married person, as a single person, these are the attributes that are also present and required for any successful courtship or marriage. In Romans 5:8, the Bible says: “But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while…” I love the word “while” because while talks about the patience of God. Do you know how long your own “while” was? Do you know how long my own while was? Do you God was waiting? How many of us remember that song about the reckless love of God? “O the overwhelming, never ending reckless love of God He leaves the ninety-nine looking for the one.” While! See the patience of God. It says but God demonstrated His love towards us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died. The sacrifice was already paid. While He was still toasting us and we did not agree, He had paid the dowry.
Is that not crazy? That’s why that song writer called it reckless love. God how did you know I was going to respond? It said Christ died in hope that you will respond. He was patient for you to respond. He had forgiven you, cleaned your state, only for you to come and embrace it and receive it. You don’t know that’s what we do? When we come into Christ, all that we have done, all the sins, we just come to receive forgiveness, justification because we have received Jesus. Though our sins are as red as scarlet, He washes us as white as snow. See the patience and forgiveness of God. And that’s what happens in courtship, that’s what happens in marriage. You are doing it with patience, you are saying see I am sacrificing to the end that I am going to enjoy the peace in my marriage. I am sacrificing to the end; I am forgiving to the end that this person will understand my forgiveness. That’s what Jesus did.
#5. TIME
In Matthew 19, we will read verse 4-6. It says: “Have you not read, that He who made them at the beginning, made them male and female said, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to His wife, and the two shall become….” “The two shall become” talks about time. Every courtship that will lead to marriage, requires time. And the two shall become one flesh. So, then they are no longer two, but one flesh, therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. Including you. What God has done in your life by bringing you to Christ, don’t separate it by your own hands. You might not be getting it now, it might look as if you are getting today, you are falling tomorrow, you need time, and Christ is willing to give you that time. Christ allowed Peter to settle, do you know why Peter was denying Him? While he went fishing, Jesus was just looking at him. He gave him time. Maybe the death of Jesus affected him in such a way, it was a rude shock, He wanted him to get over it. You have calm down, now I am coming back to you.
After you have been strengthened, after you have received strength, go and strengthen the brethren. Jesus did not give up and He doesn’t give up on each and every one of us. Our courtship with Him has different time range and time frames. But He is patient. It takes time, it’s not all of us that will get it in the first meeting, it’s not all of us that will understand Him, in the first meeting, in fact for some of us, for the first six years of being born again we still don’t understand Christ. But He is still patient, and that is why He said I will give you teachers after my heart, so that they will help you understand me, they will teach you, they will provide you resources, He said most importantly, the teacher of all teachers, I will give of My Spirit, the Spirit of the Rabbi I have given to you, He will lead you into all truth. He will take of what is mine and He will share it with you.
Is that not marriage? That’s what happens when we are in Christ. Time! It requires time, that’s why you can’t just sit down with your Bible for 5 minutes and stand up, time! You can’t be praying to God and its 5 minutes’ noodles, it requires time. You are building a marriage here, you are building a marriage, you are in a courtship that will lead to marriage. I remember then when my husband and I were in courtship, we would speak for hours, our credit will finish, one of us would have to buy another one, or we turn it to SMS. My husband is always good with that, he can send you ten-page SMS, you keep reading as if it’s a letter. The scripture is the love note of God. He said all the Scriptures, they testify of Me, I Am your lover, when you read the Scriptures, they testify of Me. He said beyond that I will speak to you; I will call you directly by the Holy Spirit.
So, when the Holy Spirit is speaking to you, its Jesus calling you directly, Direct line! It takes time, when those things are going on, you are bonding, the joining is taking place. “Would be joined” the joining does not take place automatically, it’s a process. So, you must understand the process of your discipleship. Its cumulating into marriage. You are being joined with Christ. So, when you are talking, before you know it, you will say the Bible said, and I believe this is the heart of Christ for you. Why? You are joined. Your spirit is intertwined, there’s no separation between your spirit and the Spirit of God. when you are thinking, it’s no longer your thought it’s the thought of God. Bible says let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus, because you are married to Him. You are joined. Give it time, don’t give up, continue the process. What are you becoming? The bride of Christ.
The bride of Christ, you start talking like Him, because that’s what happens in marriage, when a marriage becomes so joined to a point, the opinion of the husband and the wife becomes the same. Whether you meet the husband or the wife, it’s the same thing you hear from them. So they start to look alike, they start to have the same preferences and the same taste. That’s what happens when we are joined with Christ. The preferences of Christ become our preferences, the taste of Christ becomes our taste, the things Christ is hungry for is the things we are hungry for. We are joined. It takes time.
#6. HONESTY AND TRUST
In John 6:29, then we will read verse 69, the Bible says: “Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him Whom He sent.” So, they were asking; how do we do the works of God? It said this is the works of God. you are seeing the work of God; you must believe it. Honesty and trust, if there is no honesty and trust in a relationship it will collapse. So, how much do you trust the Lord Jesus? And it is mutual, you should trust Him, and He should trust you. Can the Lord trust you? See verse 69; “also we have come to believe.” Now, this is Simon Peter speaking, one of the disciples of Jesus, because they were in courtship, it said “also we have come to believe and know that you are the Christ.” We have come to believe because we are in courtship with you. We have come to know that you are the Christ the Son of the living God. And that must be our profession, as disciples of Jesus, as His bride, we must come to know and believe that He is the Christ, the anointed one, and He is the Son of the living God.
We must believe it, that’s where honesty and trust come in, you must trust the Lord, you must believe Him. How well do you believe Him? If you don’t know a man well enough you can’t trust Him. If you don’t know your Christ well enough you won’t be able to trust Him. The full extent of your trust is the full extent of your knowledge. The Lord said my people perish for lack of knowledge. They had known they wouldn’t have perished. If they had known that their Christ is able, imagine for example that my husband has a fund trust and that trust seats about 1 Billion dollars. And I have a project that I am working on and I need one million dollars. Because of I don’t have enough knowledge of my husband that he has a trust of 1 billion dollars and I look at him and say this my project is bigger than my husband, do I want to kill him? And he has a trust of 1 billion dollars, has anything happened to him? But who is being cheated? Who is cheating his or her self? Who is being robbed? Me! Why? I don’t have enough knowledge of him.
So, that’s what happens in our relationship with Christ, so we rub ourselves, this time around it’s not the devil. We rub ourselves because of ignorance of who Christ is. If you have a full understanding of who Christ is, there are certain things that will not be a prayer point, you will receive them by faith. They are not prayer point that you will now belabor yourself, you know who your lover is. You lay a demand on who He is. My husband can’t have something and I am in lack of it, so if there is something in Christ, and the church is lacking in it, then there is something wrong with the church, not with Christ. If there is a lack in your life, and its abundant in Christ, then Christ does not have any issue, the issue is with you.
So, we must understand; everything that is in Christ is for our benefit. In Revelation the Bible says worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive. Did He receive it for His own aggrandizement? No! He received it for us like the head. The Bible says like the oil on the head of Aaron, it flows down to his skirt. So, whatever Christ has received, it’s for us the body. Whatever the bridegroom has, it’s for us the bride. We cheat ourselves when we don’t understand the fullness. The Bible says we must grow up to the fullness of the stature of Christ. Fullness talks about there is no part of Him that we are not fitting into. How well are we fitting into Christ as a church, as a body of Christ?
We fit into Christ so much so that in Him we live, in Him we move, in Him we have our being. We fit into Him. Not Christ fitting into us, because that’s what some of us want to happen. We want Christ to fit into us, we fit into Him. He is bigger than our space, so He keeps stretching us, but it starts from the place of knowledge. How well do you know Christ Jesus?
#7. COMMUNICATION
The Bible says in John 10:27-29: “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. 28 And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.” Relationship strives on communication. I am sure many of the marriage counselors will always emphasize the importance and vitality of communication. John 10:11 and verse 14. “I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd gives His life for the sheep” So understand who Christ Jesus is. Verse 14, “I am the good shepherd and I know my sheep and I am known by my sheep, as the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father and I lay my life for the sheep. And other sheep which are not of this fold, them also I must bring and they will hear. This is where we are going to. They will hear My voice and there will be one flock and one shepherd.”
They will hear my voice, there will be communication between the good shepherd and my flock, so if you are not hearing Christ, your courtship cannot lead to marriage. You cannot be joined with Christ when you are not hearing His voice. He said as I know My Father, My Father knows Me, why? My Father and I, we communicate. As I hear the Father say, I say; we communicate, you cannot become like me, you can’t be known by me, I cannot be known by you, if you cannot hear my voice. Do you hear Christ? Does Christ speak to you? That’s when your discipleship can lead to marriage.
#8. SELFLESSNESS
In John 10:11, the Scripture says: “I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. And verse 15, “I am the good shepherd and I know my sheep and I am known by my sheep, as the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father and I lay down my life for the sheep.” If you read that Ephesians 5:21-31, we didn’t finish the read but we can read it in our personal quiet time. It says husbands, love your wives as your own body, as Christ loves the church and gave himself. Selflessness. You can’t be selfish and have a successful relationship. You cannot be me, myself and I, and you are not thinking about another party, you are not considering, you are not putting the other party ahead of yourself, and you want a courtship that will lead to marriage. Selflessness. That’s what Jesus Christ demonstrated to us. We must demonstrate that back to Him. How selfless are you as regards Christ? Apostle Paul will say; what shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Is it persecution, is it death, is it suffering, is it hunger? He said we are selfless like that; nothing can separate us from the love we have for God in Christ. The love for God in Christ Jesus. We must get that point. When we get to that point of selflessness, you could now say it narrows down from commitment to selflessness. Yes, you are committed, but are you willing to sacrifice- being selflessness? As a disciple, are willing to really be joined? It says for this sake, a man will leave his father and his mother, he will leave to cleave, be joined to his wife. Because that’s the only way the two can become one flesh.
This is the only way you and Christ can become one. It is through this bond of perfection, love! And love is selfless, it doesn’t think of itself, it’s not puffed up, love is commitment, love is faithful, love is humble, love is patient. So, everything we have looked at tonight, they are the fruits of the Spirit. And that’s why it’s so germane, you can’t afford to play around it. Do you want to be joined? We often sing a song; I am married to Jesus Satan leave me alone. Even the devil knows that you are not married. As you are singing it, He is just looking at you, he would say I know those that are married to Jesus, we can’t separate them.
So, imagine the seven sons of Sceva singing I am married to Jesus, Satan leave me alone, that’s why the devil decided to beat them and show them there is no Christ in them. We know those that are of Christ; Paul we know; He is married to Jesus; Jesus, we know Him, He is actually the Christ, who are you? Have you seen a woman that is married, and her husband is around; I mean a correct husband, and somebody would beat or slap her, and would go scot free? Have you seen it before? No! it’s not normal. And that’s why the devil cannot mess around with you Christ Jesus. He is the bride groom; you are the bride. When the devil saw what God did with Job, he said is it not because you made a hedge around him? I tried, I wanted to gain access, but I couldn’t, because you made a hedge around him. Much more is a hedge we have around us in Christ Jesus.
Understand who Christ is; He is not one of those irresponsible husbands, He is a correct husband, correct bridegroom. When you respond to Him and you belong to Him, the devil cannot mess around with you. The Bible says He is in heaven making intercession on your behalf, when you are sleeping, Jesus is saying God look at her, Lord adorn her the more with your favor, that’s why I came, because of her I came, because of him I came. He is interceding for you. He is a correct husband. So, if we are married to Jesus lets marry Him well. Be joined to Him properly. He said that whatever God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Because when you join with Christ, you can yourself separate yourself from Christ. That’s why you have to be careful.
I believe it’s a good time to pray!
